Need an honest critique on showing vs. telling

I know a lot of you are off enjoying this wonderful 3 day weekend, but I really could use an honest opinion.
This is the original paragraph from the middle of the book;

    It’s been two weeks since….Chris shakes her head trying to clear the image out, while telling herself, “Everything will be fine.” She has to go open the store today. It will be her first day back there since that tragic night. The owner gave her Brandon’s shift and hired someone new to take her evening shift. She looks in the mirror one more time. Her eyes are puffy from crying non stop it seems and it’s hard to hide the dark circles under your eyes no matter how much makeup you put on. Brent and mom have been telling her it’s too soon, but her rent’s going to be due in two weeks, and someone’s got to pay it.

And this is the possible revision;

    It’s been two weeks since….Chris shakes her head trying to clear the image out, while telling herself, “Everything will be fine.” Knowing she has to open the store today, she starts clenching and unclenching her hands. Even though the store owner has put her on the day shift she still feels the nervous twinge deep inside.  Brent and mom have been telling her it’s too soon, but her rent’s due again in two weeks, and someone’s got to pay it. Taking one last look in the mirror before walking out, Chris dabs a little more powder on the dark puffy circles under her eyes, hoping to hide the effects of her sorrow.
 
What do you think?

Don't Promote To Promote part 2

Good morning and Happy Monday once again!
Last week we talked about social marketing and being overwhelmed. I want to continue with that and look at online and offline marketing, but I don't like to refer to it as social marketing. That word "social" for marketing bugs me. So I looked up the definition and this is what I found;

social [soh-shuhl]   
adjective
1.pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club.
2.seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious.
3.of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society: a social event.
4.living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation: People are social beings.
5.of or pertaining to human society, especially as a body divided into classes according to status: social rank.

As for me, right now I'm going to keep up with my blogs, twitter (you can tweet me at @K_Einsel ) and  facebook  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Different-Corners/282985538382248
(With all the changes on fb, if you really want my attention, you have to tag me or send me a PM, or post on my wall, otherwise I have no idea people are talking to me :-) and I hear the changes are going to get worse.)
I would  like to get more involved with Goodreads and Women's Literary Cafe, which I'm a member of both, over the next few months. As for LinkedIn and Google+ I'm going to leave them in limbo for now. Yes, I want my books to sell, but I want more of a personal touch when it comes to SOCIAL media.
I also want to help others succeed, so I am looking into creating a blog where other authors/writers can advertise their books for free, but it's still in the initial stages right now, but I will keep you updated on that.

Here are a few links if you would like to look into what others are saying about social media and marketing and how they are coping and what they are doing. 
http://joelcomm.com/the-great-social-media-experim.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+JoelComm_com+%28JoelComm.com%29&utm_content=Yahoo%21+Mail

http://redpenofdoom.com/2012/05/16/build-your-own-writing-monster/

http://iwisecoach.com/2012/01/dealing-overwhelm-when-building-your-author-platform/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=dealing-overwhelm-when-building-your-author-platform

http://antheajane.blogspot.com/2012/05/to-do-list-for-promoting-your-indie.html

http://piperbayard.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/enlarging-our-twitter-audience-guest-post-by-professional-network-builder-lonny-dunn/

So what are you doing to not promote, to promote? :-)

Okay, last but not least, Offline promoting! Everyone talks about book signings to promote your book, but how do you get people there? How does anyone in your town even know who you are? Besides family and friends that is. I live in a city of apprx. 250,000 people and I'd bet no more than 10 even know I have 2 books available on Amazon.

What I want you to do, is think about how you would promote yourself in your city and then next week we can swap  ideas on how to get the word out where we live. I mean no one wants to have a book signing and have no one come, right?
Oops! Just found another blog! Oh me!
http://janefriedman.com/2012/05/18/4-ways-to-immediately-improve-your-book-marketing-efforts/


Have a great week everyone!

I Am Honored!

Last week my other blog was awarded the Versatile Blogger award, so imagine the surprise I felt when yesterday this blog was awarded it too! And I'm excited, happy, and honored to accept it! So a gracious bow and big hugs for Felicity for nominating me! Thank you Felicity! Make sure you stop by her great blog and say hello! http://bookislandcastaway.blogspot.co.uk/

So let's get started! Here are the rules of the VBA:

If you are nominated, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award.

Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy. Done.

Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you have recently discovered or follow regularly. Once again this is hard!
I follow some of the most awesome blogs!

Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award – you might include a link to this site.
 I want to thank you all for making me laugh and cry, groan and sigh. For sharing scrumptious recipes to make my stomach grumble, rumble, and growl and sharing beautiful photos to delight! So without further ado, here are my nominees. Drum roll please.

1. http://rantandrollallnight.wordpress.com/
2. http://johannaharness.com/blog/
3. http://cjwestkills.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/do-you-put-milk-in-your-eggs/
4. http://theovenmitt.com/2012/05/16/recipes-from-other-bloggers-that-im-itchin-to-try/
5. http://whatnomints.wordpress.com/
6. http://prytulka.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/welcome-to-the-tulip-festival-in-ottawa-canada/
7. http://minimalistlifestyle.wordpress.com/
8. http://hungryhinny.wordpress.com/2012/05/15/lemon-drizzle-loaf/
9. http://writeitsideways.com/
10. http://marcia-richards.com/
11. http://reginapuckettsbooks.weebly.com/blog.html
12. http://motleychronicles.com/
13. http://ronleightonauthor.blogspot.com/
14. http://www.theredheadriter.com/
15. http://jilliandodd.wordpress.com/

Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself. Wow! What don't you know about me? Hmm...

1. I'm claustrophobic. Even when I'm in the car, no matter what the weather conditions, I have to have the window opened at least an inch! This stems to a childhood trauma, I suppose. (David this would fall into "The 2 years worth of stored memories. Kind of like your nightmare) There was a wicker clothes hamper with a lid in our garage next to the washer and my cousins and I had a dare to see who would fit in it and stay there the longest. (We used to see who could hold their breath the longest under water too) Anyway when it was my turn, my cousin Billy decided it would be funny to sit on the lid and not let me out. Haha...Thanks Billy!
2. I've never been on a plane and have no desire to. (See #1) Yep, it's the fear of being closed up and way up there with a long drop!
3. If you were to meet me in person, I am shy and quiet unless I am nervous, and then I babble, talk with my hands, say the wrong things and become clumsy.
4. I go on health nut binges for up to three years at a time, where I eat nothing but plant based foods, but  I don't qualify as a Vegan, because I like honey in my tea.
5. I have big feet which I inherited from my dad. I wear a size 10 (woman's) and my dad wears a size 12 (men's) At least I didn't inherit his big ears! But my sister did!
6. I am the tallest in my family (except for my dad who was 6'2, he's shrinking) at the amazon height of 5'5" My brother was 5'4", both my sisters are 5'3", and my mom was just under 4'11" before she passed away. I even had an uncle that was a horse jockey! (mom's brother)
7. And last but not least, I have a desert tortoise. His name is Boxer and I have had him almost 27 years.

Don't Promote To Promote part 1

I was reading a guest post by Scott Bury, on KD Rush's Blog, on social media and does it help to sell books. You can read his post here.
http://kdrush.com/Main/content.php/173-Guest-Post-by-Scott-Bury-Do-social-media-help-sell-books#comments_start

And it reminds that I am spreading myself too thin. I have been thinking about this the past few weeks and trying to figure out my best strategy for promoting myself and which sites, groups, etc. that I want to keep and which ones I need to let go of. I'm on twitter, facebook, goodreads, linkedin, google+, not to mention, gather, multiply, merchant circle, start up nation and countless other reading and writing groups. I also have 2 blogs, well 4 actually, but only maintain 2, and follow over 300 blogs, for which come Monday mornings, I receive apprx. 140+ email notifications. But it's not just about promoting myself. It shouldn't be quantity over quality, it should be the other way around.

The problem with all of this, is it makes me feel superficial. I have made some wonderful friends and dropping in and saying hi and then running off to another site and not giving them the attention they deserve is wrong on my part. Yes, we all want and need to promote ourselves and our books, but dropping in and saying buy my book and then preceding to the next site and posting about your book or your blog or whatever and not interacting is the wrong way to do it. Yes we want followers, but at what cost to us as people. It's like going to a cocktail party and hiding in the corner all night texting on your phone. Is that how you want people to remember you? I don't, so I have decided to cut back in order to gain more. Not book sales, but quality friendships. People I enjoy communicating with. I want more in my life besides running here and there on the internet, I want to sit down and have a cup of coffee and find out what's going on in your life. Are you feeling okay? How are the kids? Anything special happen lately? Do you have a new book out? I'll help you promote it. Did you just sign with a new agent? Let's celebrate!
   I have found that I love to write and yes I want people to read and like what I write. I want to sell books, but at what cost to my family and friends? Social media takes a lot of time and hard work and sometimes you have to scale back a little in order to gain more. So over the next couple of weeks, I will look at all the different sites and groups and figure out which ones I want to keep and concentrate on and which ones I need to let go, because it's not fair to them if I'm not participating.

I'm going to leave you with that and will do a part 2 for this post next week, an update of sorts and we can discuss some different ways to promote offline. So while you're waiting stop by and check out Scott's blog here;

http://scottswrittenwords.blogspot.com/

Have a great week everyone!

Your Book, A Movie?

Just a quick post. I was watching the TV show "Bones" last night and in the episode, Bones' book was being made into a movie and she was complaining "That isn't what the book said and that's not right and who changed my dialogue and that didn't happen", and I could so relate with how she felt! Well no not exactly, none of my books have been turned into movies, but that's the way I would feel if that were to happen. I wonder how Stephen King and J.K Rowling feel when they are sitting on the set while their book is being made into a movie? We all know what it's like to read a book and then see the movie and you complain how they ruined the whole book by changing so many things in the movie, sometimes it makes you wonder if they are from the same planet! But anyway, I was just curious how you would  feel, besides elated that your book was being made into a movie, about all the changes that happen?