Thursday, March 15, 2012

Let's Talk About Sex

HaHa! I knew that would get your attention! I have questions...
I know... mother of three and I had to google, "How to write a sex scene"
Hangs head in shame. But I still have questions!

I was reading a blog post and the guy said something to the point of,
"And make sure they have safe sex. Always use a condom, unless they are procreating."
Does your hero stop and say, "Wait, let me put my condom on?"
I know with STD's and aids and unwanted pregnancies, that yes they should, but do you write about it?
When my sons first started going out, I'd give them the speech...
"No drinking, no drugs and wear a rubber."
And you'd think they'd be shocked, but normally their response,
"No problem, no problem, and always."
No wonder I don't have any grandbabies!
And if you find my little speech shocking let me point out that
here in my city we have a special class for 14 year old pregnant girls.
Maybe more parents should give my little speech...

Okay next question! And maybe it's not really a question, but I would like to hear your thoughts on it.
A publisher's submission guidelines
"No sex under 21"
I had my hero and heroine wait until they were 18 and yes, they forgot the condom, and yes she got pregnant and yes, I am breaking all the rules here, I know, but 21?

Okay last question and it's for the guys, so if you're not a guy grab the closest one and ask them...
Does a guy worry that his partner is comparing "him" to their ex while having sex?
I know we are from two different planets and that some guys do worry, "Did they satisfy them." but I'm talking on a deeper self esteem level.
Okay that's my questions :-) Hope everyone is having a great day!


  1. No, if you're writing a sex scene, then you can introduce it in a sexy way, like she puts it on him and it's a part of the play. Or, he just moves away for a second and she realizes that he's trying to protect her... that seems to be common in romance books lol.

    I imagine no sex under 21 is for Teen Fiction, maybe that's why? Otherwise, I've never read that...

    Hope this helps :)

    1. Hi Serena
      I haven't read a lot of romance books lately :-) I read Stephen King novels mostly, but I was curious.
      As the the sex under 21, it was guidelines for an Erotica Publisher! Go figure.

  2. Yep, you sure got my attention!

    Safe sex,'s a dilemma, isn't it? To me the most important question is what's pertinent to the story? That's our first duty as a writer, tell the story. It sounds like your story is more realistic.

    "No sex under 21"...well, I guess that's their prerogative!

    I asked my husband your "guy" question and he said, no. I think we woman are more likely to worry about "exes" and comparing! Excellent post, Karen!

  3. Good morning! Maybe I should have made the post a little more exciting! lol
    Yeah the story is probably a little more realistic, well the first book is anyway.
    And thank you for asking husband. I was trying to find a pic that someone had emailed me a couple of years ago that has a guy sitting on a bar stool asking "Do these jeans make me look fat?" And the caption underneath said "Men don't worry about it, why should you?" So I googled guys on barstools and guys in jeans WOW! enuf said! lol

  4. Hi KKraft, I'm from a different era (several generations removed from the current) and I never heard other men having any conscerns about being compared to ex's or others. Perhaps today, where EVERYTHING seems to be a competition, it might happen but frankly I doubt it at least between if we were talking "bi-sexual" then it might be more of a threat. After all, who is going to know more about what pleasures a woman than another women. Most men are dolts when it comes to female orgasms. Perhaps if we read more "Romance Novels" we might learn a few things, I did try to show my character's "commitment" to his ladies in "Immortal Relations"! LOL

  5. Hello Vamp Writer! How come you don't have a blog? :-)) And yes, I really do need to get some more reading done! Especially the ones on my to do list.

  6. Hi KKrafts,

    First off, great post!

    I actually had a similar situation with a sex scene in my upcoming book where the use of condoms came up. I originally had it in but then took it out because it sounded cheesy. I mean, yes, mentioning condoms might be necessary to remind single people since there's so many STDs out there. But at the same time, the mere thought of condoms kind of ruined my sex scene. So I took it out. Besides, I don't want my book to be a soapbox preaching safe sex because that issue has nothing to do with my book - even if its an important issue in the real world.

  7. Come to think of it, I don't think I've read any romance novels that mention putting on the condom before having sex. The first and the last book in my series does address the topic of them,but they don't get used in the sex scenes.

  8. I think that mentioning in novels appropriate ages and wearing condoms and all of that comes off as lecturing and "getting the message across." I would imagine that teens would see through that as well. For me, it's a turn off. We can only teach our children and hope they put what they learn to good use. Great post, Karen!

  9. Hi Diana I just read a snippet of a book the other day and it had the guy stop and slip on a condom, first time I have actually read that, but then when you normally only read Stephen King, there aren't very many sex scenes :-)
    As for condoms in my WIP they are mentioned a few times in the first book, but there's reasons for the mentions.


Leave a comment. I'd love to hear your viewpoint